Not Sure Yet

33 Notes

Much of my day is spent attempting to levitate my stapler. Hours pass, the tedious near-magic being interrupted only for unwanted phone calls, and bathroom breaks. I do also enjoy ripping the second page out of the magazine articles in the lobby, though this activity has to be carefully timed around the receptionist’s personal waste management. You must be quick, and skilled to bypass the the articles nobody reads, like the ones involving good news; and ready to strike with a carefully muted page tear at any of more pursued interests. When you get to “Blonde Bitch Drinks A Lot,” then fire away; “Missing Girl Found Alive” isn’t worth your time. Your success rate can be judged by the amount of grumbles you hear from down the hall. Sometimes the receptionist likes to take her dominican boyfriend who’s 14 years her junior to the Mexican place located in the awful mini-mall across the street from our offices. I’ll watch her disproportionately plump calfs lead the boy (who arrives by motor-scooter to pick her up twice a week) in a strong stride, happily content in knowing that the next day will be the Vanity Fair holocaust.

No staplers get lifted that day, or any other day for that matter. I’m disheartened to admit I’ve never been successful in actually lifting the stapler off my desk. Not even a lousy inch. Bluntly speaking, I’d take a small quiver at this point. I suppose there’s a time in every man’s life when he has to accept his lack of any superpowers whatsoever, but I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet. In fact, I’ve recently put in for more overtime to help sway the cause back in my favor.

The other occupants of my office are largely a mystery to me. Its rare that I see or engage in more than a casual nod or hello among my co-workers. They seem to keep to themselves, not interested in the other people who’d rather be someplace else too. I do see a lot of them punching poorly thought-out witticisms into their “smart” phones in a desperate attempt to maintain their social network, quite a bit in fact.

It’s amazing how people waste their lives day after day on trivial concepts.

Peter J. McCann

December, 2011.